Pearl Who?

The great irony to Austin's last post "So You've Never Heard Of...?" which chronicled the creation of mixtapes for clueless members of the opposite sex, is that I've already gone through the process. When I met my beautiful girlfriend, Abby, some four years ago, I was quick to spout of a ridiculously long list of bands that I couldn't live without. Instead of just absently nodding her head, while I spelt out my adoration of the Stone Roses and The Stooges, she simply asked me to make a mix CD of my favorite songs. She did the same and we exchanged our labors of love. She handed me a CD with 14 or so songs that she listened to regularly. I handed her a meticuously selected 3-CD box set, complete with self-designed cover and booklet.

Now Abby has endured years and years of my endless rants about music I enjoy, and has weathered the whole assualy remarkably well. But while I've been able to convince her about the diviness of Rufus Wainwright and the genius of the Beach Boys, I've never really talked to much about Pearl Jam. That has more to do with me than with her. Pearl Jam is a band that I still admire, but just simply haven't listened to them because there past two albums have not been that great.

Now Austin framed the discussion around meeting a standard issue "blonde girl" at a bar. I'm lucky enough never to worry about the said situation, but for the sake of following Austin's template, I have chosen to write theoretical liner notes to the blonde girl after we have exchanged numbers. Here is what each song placed on the album really tells her.

1. Daughter - I am sensitive. I understand the enormous depth of the human soul, and will astound you with my mature opinions on various political, social, and economic issues. Also, I have remakrable taste and an eye for beauty as this gorgeous melody will attest for. But I'm dark around the ages, and hard to understand. You'll have to work to for me, but I'm worth it.

2. Lukin - I like to have fun. I like to drink $2 PBR with the guys and stay out until the sun comes up, and then lay around having sex all day long.

3. Wish List - I wish I was in love. Going out is fine, and I like the excitement of hard, late nights. But what I really want is to find someone I love, you, and to tell you that everything is going to be okay.

4. Long Road - And as we are making sweet love, i'll sound as seductive as Vedder whispering in your ear. It will last a long time, then we'll talk and I'll open you up to a completely new way of thinking and your mind will be blown.

5. Who are You - Once you have experienced the enlightened awakening we'll venture to India and meditate on our being in relation to the world. You will come up with a way to solve complex math problems and the future of the Palestinian state. You'll recieve world wide fame and recieve loads of money.

6. Go - Then we'll fucking blow the lot on drugs, rock out, and start a band that specializes in playing excessively load rock with wild guitar solos, underlined with a wonderful grasp of melody. Then maybe we'll get married.