Humiliating Loves

Austin dropped the bomb last night with his excellent list of songs that started his obsession with music. This is an embarresing collection of songs, but I guess that's the point. We start listening to music because it finds us off guard and we don't know how to handle it except listen to it constantly. It leads to higher points, but it's what gets us there. This list kind of shook me, because by tracing these songs, this shows people a little too much of me. But it's fun nonetheless.

10. Lucus with the Lid Off - Lucus
Most people can laugh easily at the first CD they ever bought. It's usually either nostalgic (Green Day) or telling of where they were at there time in life (Boyz II Men). They were undoubtedly popular albums that many people had bought and can relate to. But yep, this was mine. Those scratching their heads need not worry, not only was this a one hit wonder, but it wasn't even a big one. It's a rap song that I heard on MTV, with a great video directed by Michel Gondry. My mom was pissed that I had bought a rap album instead of something nice for a christian band. But I think it's telling that I was drawn to something that I knew wasn't that popular because I enjoyed it. The fact that it uses a bad jazz sample which makes it sound like Mambo #5, Lucas can't rap, and that I lost the CD within a year tend to show that I had much to learn.
Led to: spending hours online searching for new music.

9. 1st of the Month - Bone Thugs in Harmony
I was into rap because of Jeremy Bickers. He had a collection that was staggaring for a person in 7th grade. Two towers, 150 CDs, of nothing but the most ridiculously obsene rap music that has been commmitted to tape. All parental advisory. We were good friends, so I’d go over to his house and he’d play the most ridiculously vulgar rap singles. This is the one that I remember listening to the most. It was that moment when I realized that there was something more out there to life than what was on the radio station and I wanted to see what was there. And the girls fucking loved this song. We'd be at parties and all the girls that I loved would be rapping all out, and I wanted to be with them.
Led to: Eventually led to my realzation that Jay had maximum flow.

8. Stay (I Missed You) - Lisa Loeb
So on one side I was listening to the most vulgar rap imaginable because I liked girls and on the other I was listening to the most feminine pop single of the day. This was my jam with my mom. I bought the tape single and I'd pop it into our toyota Previa and sing loud. And I think my mom humored me because I wasn't listening to rap. I wasn't quite sure what other people thought about this song, so whenever other people were in the car I'd have to think carefully if they would make fun of me or not. For those prevliged enough to hear it this began my nervous habit of getting really offended if people don’t like the songs I liked.
Led to: bands with melody like the Beach Boys

7. Bad - Michael Jackson
Someday it's going to come out that Michael Jackson is actually really into witch craft and in the early eighties came up with a magic potion to lure kids to him. Because I loved Michael Jackson and I loved this song. I remember him dancing in the subway. I remember dancing to his tape. In fact, the first time I ever knew that I loved music was with Michael Jackson. For some reason, all those bible school songs had forgotten the pelvic thrusts and the spine tingling yelps. That the potion runs out is apparently the price that Michael had to pay when he sold his soul to the devil, and is the easiest way to explain why he doesn't make good music anymore.

6. Swallowed - Bush
Sixten Stone was fine and all, but the first album I was ever terribly excited about before it came out was Bush's second album, Razorblade Suitcase. I remember telling Adam Brown in 8th grade that this was the best song ever made and that Razorblade Suitcase was going to rock the world. That it didn't is easy to see now. My moment of awaking, however, had more to do with my seeing Bush in concert and in the midddle of them completely fucking up this song experincing a vision from god, and lo he said: "Bush sucks, listen to Nirvana." And I did.
Led to: Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and downloading albums six months before they actually came out.

5. Where It’s At - Beck
My dad loved Beck. It’s the only time in my entire life that I’ve played a song and he’s gone out of his way to tell me how much he likes it. "Who is that? That's great." This came right after I had started listening to the Smashing Pumpkins and had gotten rid of everything that didn't have really, really loud guitars. I was getting experimental. This song began my collapse into music journalism, of which I still read hours of daily. I suddenly realized that the critics were right, that Beck was awesome, and if they liked this, maybe they were right about other bands.
As well, this began the point in my life when people thought I was “getting weird”.
Led to: Pavement, Velvet Underground, R.E.M., Indie rock in general.

4. Wonderwall - Oasis
Mark Smith loved Oasis so I did, too. As the de facto bully of elementary school and junior high, I figured it would be good to have him as a friend instead of an enemy. And in the middle of listening to rap songs, we'd play this song. So even though Wonderwall is just a pop song played by a clumsy band with a punk rock singer, I was able to listen to it and feel no shame. Sometimes you need someone to let you know something is okay, and Mark did that for me. That I still listen to Oasis is entirelly my own fault.
Led to: an excessive amount of Oasis and The Beatles, pop songs drenched in whimsy, The Rolling Stones, Blur, reading the NME.

3. When I Come Around - Green Day
I'm not really sure what else there is to say about this song, except this is my first rock record. That without this album I probably would have never stopped listening to bad rap music. That I would have always followed what other people told me to listen to. To the seasoned punk establish meant Green Day might haved seemed a tad too lame, but to a disaffected junior high kid they signaled the beginning of independence. Bless you sirs.
led to: liking rock music, hating rap music

2. Waterfalls - TLC
It's obvsiouly very hard to talk about this song, and I hope no one that doesn't know me well is reading this, because I am embarrassed. In trying to chronicle where my tastes have come from, I feel like I've told too much. I started listening to the radio towards the end of elementary school, when all the rest of my friends could have cared less. And I remember the exact moment I heard this song (Hanover College basketball camp with my friend Chris Phillips). Every obsession I've had with music has been based in a small way with the way I treated this song, as a relic with arguing over, debating over, and worth holding on to. That the song hasn't held up, that I no longer ever listen to it, that I actually kind of hate this song, can't disminish its initial impact on me. I started listening because of this song.
led to: a full hard drive

1. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
So in the middle of me listening to bad grunge, bad rap, and Lisa Loeb came this song. And nothing was really ever the same. Green Day might have gutted my rap collection, but this song was the reason that I stopped listening to bad rock. Why I became a music snob in Junior High. Why? Well, just because this is the greatest fucking song.

I’m not going to lie. I’m pissed Austin put this at number one, because this is my song. I'm fairly sure that this song distorted my entire perception of life, because I was forever disappointed that beautiful girls in junior high and high school never wanted to skip out on a party with me and jump into a pool. But I'll blame that more on the excellent video than the song.

All songs afterward were judged in relation to this song, and it's an impossibly high bar to set. I could really go on about this song forever because it means that much, but this list is already too long. But like all great loves, I didn’t search for my favorite song. It came to me.
Led to: More, more, and more Smashing Pumpkins. Obsession with excellent music leading directly to Radiohead, My Bloody Valentine, and the music that I'm currently listening to.