Destruction of the Apple Part One: "The Fall"

I was rocking. I had just bought $70 worth of cables and adapters to help plug my electric guitar into my lovely ibook. I was tired of playing my acoustic, it's reverberations were not shaking the insides of my brain like a well cranked amp. But since I had no where to fit an amp, considering it is a tangible object with mass and I have no room for any of that in my very small room. With the headphones on I could hear the distortion hum in my ear. I wanted it louder. I turned it all the way up. I stood up. I wanted to pull out the Pete Townshend guitar hero stance, arms cocked full back and ready for flight. But to do this I need to move my computer to the table because my headphones weren't long enough. The table was crowded, but I didn't care. All the papers and things stacked high could get trampled for all I cared. I was rocking. So I just pushed whatever I could to the floor. No problem. I strummed powerfully on my guitar, the headphones loved it. My head loved it. I look down at my computer to see if the computer recorded it and loved it, too. That's when I saw the glass and the water which eventually dripped into all of the major components of my computer rendering the hole machine worthless.

When accidents are broken down afterwards, thought over and analyzed, holes pop up. Lapses in judgement become easier to scrutunize. If I hadn't been so zealously rocking, I would have saved my computer. If I had cleaned my table, I wouldn't have lost my computer. If I would have bought headphones instead of a guitar table, I wouldn't have needed to raise the computer to the table and then spilled the water. In fact, we'll take it back even further. If I hadn't broken my large, ear-encassing headphones, on an airplane, I would have been able to stand with the laptop not on the table.

All of this doesn't hide the fact that I have no computer.

I took it to the nice, clean, white apple store in SOHO. I was served promptly by a rather large "genius" who informed me that the cost of fixing it was going to be either $750 plus $160 for an external hard drive or $1000 for a new computer. Those were good options I thought. Homicidal inducing ones, considering I didn't have the money for either, but choices. I asked him about payment plans. He said no. So what am I suppossed to do, I asked, considering I don't have the money for either. "I guess you don't have any."

"So can I just come back later on in the week when I have the money?"

"Well," he said, "I'm not sure your computer will ever turn on again. Water continuously corrodes the system, eventually destroying everything."

So I'm facing complete anhilation of my computer, I'm out roughly $900 no matter what happens, and I have to make a decision fast. Of course, my mind thinks of all the stupid things I've done with electronics.

Very quickly, here is a list of things I have lost, had stolen, or broken in the past two years:

1. 3 Cellphones
One was stolen in Paris, one was lost by me on the bus in London, and the other was dropped in a bowl of soup in New York. I'm currently on a pace to lose a cellphone in every major city on earth. My parents paid for all of them.
Estimated cost: $400
2. 1 set of headphones
I wanted the Bose Noise Reduction ones, that were over three hundred dollars. My parents thought that I wasn't ready for them, and decided to buy the $50 Sony ones. I broke them on the way back from London on a plane.
Estimated cost including my attempts at fixing it: $70
3. 1 iPod
This was stolen in the gym at DePauw. It was never found. This was a christmas present for my parents. They eventually bought me the much another ipod, though the much cheaper Ipod Shuffle, but I love it very much.
Estimated cost: $500
4. iBook
Story is told above. It was a graduation present.
Estimated cost: $1000

I'm starring at the big Apple guy, and I know that if I call my parents they will help. They will figure out a way to get money, to loan money, to do something. My dad will give me the perfect piece of advice, think responsibly, and then we'd figure out some way to make it work. My mom would give me the money. She'd say that I needed it, and that was that. But I can't do it. I can't keep asking them for money for things that I break, things that are completely my fault.

I buy an external hard drive, get my shit off, and leave. Of course, what money do I use. My birthday money.

And now, a moment of silence for the death of my computer...